Scars

“Am I ever going to see what’s beneath the mask?”

Kakashi looked up from his book to raise an eyebrow at Sakura, who sat opposite of him on the couch, appearing to be somewhat frustrated.

“What do you mean?” he questioned airily.

Sakura couldn’t help but let out a small groan, knowing that Kakashi was going to try and brush her question off, as he usually did.

It had only been a few weeks since they had developed a relationship further than that of former student and teacher, as well as comrades. It had begun when she had suddenly kissed him upon his return of a lengthy and dangerous mission, overwhelmed with relief that he had come back to Konoha that she hadn’t been made aware of her actions until his lips pressed back against her own in response.

It had been an awkward and unusual courting, dealing with the natural progression of a romance along with their history and other people’s reactions. Tsunade had made it pretty clear that she wouldn’t officially support their decision to date one another, but that she also had no real authority to stop them - as well as giving Kakashi a handful of creative threats if he ever hurt the Hokage’s apprentice.

They hadn’t be quite intimate yet despite everyone’s assumptions when it came to the erotic novel-reading Kakashi; in fact they had only kissed a handful of times, and always through the mask.

Although it hadn’t bothered Sakura much in the beginning, she was starting to become frustrated by the notion. Was he afraid that she would give him germs or something as equally trivial? She asked him about it a few times and he had brushed her off, but this time she was determined to get an answer.

“You know exactly what I mean. We’ve been in this…relationship for a little while now, and yet you still haven’t kissed me without that stupid mask of yours on.”

Kakashi sat up, shutting the book before laying it upon his lap.

“I didn’t realise it annoyed you so much.” he responded somewhat defensively.

“You’re my boyfriend and I don’t even really know what you look like under that material.”

“Does it matter what I look like? I was under the impression that looks didn’t matter so much to you.” he retorted, folding his arms across his chest.

“It has nothing to do with that!” Sakura protested, feeling herself growing more irritated with each passing moment.

“Then why are you so worked up about it? It shouldn’t be such a big deal to you.”

“I’m getting upset about this because you can’t even give me a reason why you won’t show me your face. I get that the mask is a trust thing, and I thought we were well past that.” she explained, her face growing warm with a mix of annoyance and melancholy.

“My reasons are my own.”

“What do you mean…this is going nowhere.” she fumed, getting up off the couch to grab her jacket. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Before Kakashi could reply, she opened the front door and left his apartment, not looking back once.

--------

It was late on a Sunday night when Sakura saw Kakashi again.

She’d been preparing to go to bed and catch up on some much-needed sleep when she caught sight of the shadowy figure sitting on the outside of her window frame. She knew exactly who it was - Kakashi seemed to completely disregard her front door whenever he came to visit, which thankfully hadn’t been too often.

Although initially hesitant to speak to him again considering that she was still dealing with their argument a few days earlier, Sakura found herself moving over to the window, inviting Kakashi into her room with a simple gesture of her hand.

As he wordlessly moved inside, he looked over to Sakura, who was not expecting to see him so unreadable - the emotions on the visible part of his face too many to detect. She soon forgot her issues with him, and found herself concerned instead with her lover  as he approached her slowly, his obsidian eye trained on her form.

“Kakashi.” she breathed, trying to break through the silence.

“You wanted to know why I wear my mask.” he stated in reply, his voice lower than usual.

“It’s fine, really. I know I shouldn’t have bugged you about it so much.” Sakura replied, waving a hand.

“No, you were right. If we are going to continue this…whatever this is between us, I should be honest and open with you. About everything.”

He took a seat at the end of her bed, Sakura unsure whether to sit with him or not. She choose to remain standing, watching the older man as he ran a hand through his silver hair and took in a deep breath.

“Did you know my mother died when I was younger?” he began, raising his head to look at Sakura with his opened eye.

Sakura nodded slowly. “Tsunade-shishou told me she died when you were little.” she confirmed.

“My mother was everything to me. With my father away on missions constantly, we were all each other had. She loved me so much, and I…”

Kakashi broke off for a moment, one hand clenching before he relaxed once more.

“When I was four, she became incredibly sick. No-one knew what is was. Most of the medics we saw thought it was cancer, but there were other symptoms that didn’t correlate. Over the next few months, her health deteriorated.”

His head dropped suddenly, gaze focused upon the wooden floor.

“She died two weeks before my fifth birthday.”

“I’m so sorry Kakashi. I had no idea.”

Sakura found herself wanting to move closer to Kakashi, to comfort him; however she remained frozen in her position, knowing that he had more to say.

“After she was gone, everything changed. My father remained at home to look after me, but he was still grieving for her, as was I. We didn’t know how to go on without her, and we hadn’t become very close to one another. It was a struggle for both of us.”

He sat back up again, his attention shifting back to Sakura.

“I’d always been an emotional child, despite being raised in a shinobi family. I couldn’t control nor hide how I felt, no matter how hard I tried. Months passed and I still heard others whisper as I walked past, stating that I appeared so sad and lost. After a while, I believed I had overcome my sadness. However, the whispers continued. My father still mourned, and was getting worse every day. I was terrified that I was going to lose another parent.”

Sakura remained still, silent; both amazed and saddened by what Kakashi was revealing to her.

“I wanted to make him smile again. I wanted to smile again. I didn’t want to be so miserable anymore.”

He suddenly stood up, his hand slowly moving to the infamous blue mask that concealed his face. In one swift movement, he pulled down the material, revealing his bared face to Sakura.

“So I took one of my father’s kunai, and I gave myself a smile.”

Rendered speechless, all Sakura could do was observe her former sensei’s appearance. So much despair and loss was etched into his handsome features, with a permanent smile engraved into his skin in the form of two thin scars on either side of his lips that pulled into his cheeks.

Kakashi looked at her silently, cringing ever so slightly as though he was preparing for a horrified reaction of some sort. Instead Sakura began to move towards him, her jade gaze focused upon the man before her as she reached her hands to either side of his face.

He shivered slightly underneath her gentle touch, both eyes now wide open and questioning as the observed her with fascination and curiosity.

“I-”

Kakashi’s words were cut off as Sakura moved to her tiptoes and ever so softly pressed her lips against the silver scar on the left side of his mouth, followed by the one on the right. He remained speechless, having not expected this kind of reaction from her.

“This is why you hide your face? Because of the scars?” she asked, her voice gentle.

He bowed his head, avoiding her gaze momentarily. “When my father saw what I had done, he was horrified. Although not with me, with himself for not being aware that I had been hurting so badly as well. He found a sweater with an extended neck, and I began to cover my face with it. It became my comfort; I could hide my scars easily; both the emotional and physical ones.”

Sakura’s eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Why didn’t you go to the hospital? They could have healed the cuts in no time.”

“We’d spent so much time there with my mother. Neither of us could bear to return, and we were both too proud and stubborn to seek help. I suppose that attitude has stuck with me over the years.” he explained, attempting at a small smile.

“I’m glad you told me.” Sakura told his, moving her hands to his jaw line so that she could cradle his face. “I promise I will never bug you about anything like this again.”

It was then that Kakashi’s face broke into a proper grin, one that reached his eyes and Sakura found herself feeling privileged to witness such a beautiful thing.

His hands covered her small ones, warm and rough as he leaned forward ever so slightly to touch Sakura’s forehead with his own.

“I promise you won’t have to.”